No One Gets Better Alone

If you’re a friend you know that in the winter months, my sport is basketball.  Especially college ball, given I live in the same market as NC State, Duke, and UNC-Chapel Hill.

Years ago, when my father came to terms that his eldest son would never play sports, he suggested that I officiate my uncle’s team’s basketball scrimmages.  That was appealing to an insecure 15-year old because I was told I’d have a whistle and the other kids had to listen to me.  I caught the referee bug so, for the last three decades, I’ve officiated high school basketball as a side hustle.

Many years in, I wondered why I never got the brass ring:  an invitation to call a state championship.  After all, I’d done my time and thought I was pretty good.  When was it my turn?  And why did I keep hearing about others getting that accolade, but not me?  Voicing this to a fellow official, he wondered out loud if I was mature enough to get an honest answer.  Expecting him to simply affirm my perspective, I was trapped and had to say yes.  He recorded me at several games and then showed me the video (an aircheck, if you will).  Who was that overweight guy running up and down the court, I wondered?  Who’s that guy out of position on his calls?  It was me, and I had lots of work to do to get better, if my goal of a state championship was to be realized.

In the many years since, and reflecting on the work I now do in radio, one thing has become apparent – no one gets better alone.

Everyone says they want to improve.  Very few are willing to do the two things improvement requires.

First, you must look inward.  Not casually.  Not defensively.  But honestly.

That means admitting there are parts of your craft that are average, habits that are comfortable, and blind spots you can’t see on your own. Self-awareness is the starting point, but it’s not enough.

Real improvement happens when you invite a small, trusted circle into your process—people who care more about your growth than your feelings.  Not cheerleaders.  Not critics with an agenda.  Professionals who can give you unbiased, dispassionate feedback.

These are the people who will tell you:  “That works… but it could work better.”  “You’re leaning on the same moves again.”  “You’re good—but you’re capable of more.”

That kind of feedback stings a little.  It should.  Growth usually does.

The mistake most people make is crowdsourcing opinions or avoiding feedback altogether.  Both are comfort plays.  Neither leads to mastery.

If you’re serious about improving, build your small circle.  Listen without defending.  Apply what fits.  Discard what doesn’t.  Repeat and get better.

Progress isn’t about talent.  It’s about humility, trust, and the courage to let others sharpen you.

I belong to lots of referee Facebook groups and am always learning when I watch a posted video or they engage their followers in a philosophical conversation.  Paul Diasparra, an official who runs one of them, recently said this.  I’ve changed the parts about officials, so it resonates with you:

“If there’s one message you take into your future, let it be this:  getting no feedback is the anchor that slows your growth. Too many of us spend time looking sideways, comparing ourselves to peers, measuring progress against others, wondering why someone else moved up faster or got an opportunity sooner. Others spend time looking upward, too focused on talent who are where they wanna be. They compare timelines, they compare paths, and it often breeds insecurity, doubt, and the feeling of being left behind. And then there’s looking downward when you’re comparing yourself.  Maybe comparing yourself to someone who’s earlier on their journey. That doesn’t lead to growth either because it creates a false sense of confidence, feeds the ego, and distracts from the work that’s still required. None of those directions help you improve. The direction that matters most is looking inward. Your career is your story, your pace, your lessons, your setbacks, your breakthroughs. None of it is meant to look like anyone else’s. So, when you focus inward on your preparation, your habits, your mindset, and your effort, that’s where the real growth begins.”

If we’re going to stay relevant as an industry, we all know the power of talent.  But we have a smaller margin for error than we once did because of the amount of competition for the attention of listeners.

If you don’t have anyone you trust or can lean on to help you with this, holler at me and I’ll be on your team.  I want nothing for it except that you pay it forward to others in our industry so they can improve, too.

Because no one gets better alone.