Steve Wants to Sell You a Horse
It was the Monday after the Kentucky Derby many moons ago. My on-air partner and I decided we needed to use that topic for content on the show. So, we hatched this brilliant idea to call the McDonalds up the road from the station, claiming we were the owners of the horse that came in last place, to see how much they’d give us for him, saying he’d make for delicious hamburgers.
Genius, huh? We live in the attention economy and thought those three minutes would certainly keep listeners from going elsewhere.
At 10:00 that morning, we were hauled into the GM’s office and informed we’d lost the McDonalds account.
Fortunately, we had a very good manager who awarded creativity and risk-taking. He understood, gave us a pass, and replaced them with another client paying a higher rate.
Don’t bank that idea for next year. The world (and business environment) is different now.
I listen to radio all over the country and, in too many places, hear pleasant people having pleasant conversations around acceptable topics. In this environment, that won’t cut it.
Where are my renegades? The mischievous people? The quirky who can capture the imagination of the audience and cause talk?
I am NOT suggesting you be reckless or inappropriate. But we do need to foster an environment of silliness again if we’re ever going to stay top-of-mind with our fans, so they develop this fear of missing out.
We ain’t gonna get that through a prep service or being inoffensive and playing it safe with bland conversations and phone calls from listeners chiming it.
Yes, I know the corporate folks look down on this and the lawyers default to “no” a lot. But how do we work past this to find the sweet spot for people who can do it? I know we’ve chased many of them away from our industry. But that doesn’t absolve those of us who remain from thinking that way, too.
Pleasant all the time is our enemy. It makes radio completely missable. Take a stand, access your sense of humor for silly angles that can be leveraged into talked about breaks. In one word: innovate without doing wacky radio bits. Wait, that was six words. Sorry.
I had a show once that bought a ton of girl scout cookies. They invited in two teachers who built a big Jenga tower with the cookie boxes. The teacher who made the tower collapse lost, and the other got all the cookies for their school.
Or the Boston show that was outraged when Dunkin’ changed the name of the Boston Cream Donut to the Philly Cream Donut. The Flyers were making their Stanley Cup run (rivals to sports-loving Bostonians). They had listeners bring their Dunkin’ merch to the station to burn unless they changed the name back.
Or the talent who mused on-air, concerned he left the iron plugged in before leaving for work. A C-level show would have left it at that. A B-level show would have opened the phones, asking listeners if they’d ever done that, too (kinda lame, but it’s something). This show went A-level and sent the co-host home to check. A narrative with tension! And while en-route (all of it on-air), they called his insurance agent and found out he hadn’t paid his renters insurance. Ouch.
Or the show, in new digs, who found a crushed Cheez-It in the carpeting and called every other talent during that program, asking their favorite snack, to figure out who dirtied the studio, pissing off the chief engineer.
We don’t need prizes and contesting isn’t the elixir. We need imagination. Doing something imaginative to capture all who are listening will feed the fear of missing out. An image every show needs to get that extra measure of audience to set you apart.
I’m inspired when I watch old Letterman clips on YouTube. He was a master at it. So was Colbert. I know they had teams of people to suggest this stuff. But we need to access those odd things more if we’re going to survive and thrive.
So much of what I hear lives in the Sea of Sameness. Shows that do this kind of stuff will prevent people from leaving. You’ll capture them for a moment to see what happens next. If you create attention through imagination, you can then persuade listeners to stay longer, come back, or have a deeper relationship with your show. If you don’t create imaginative attention, then you can’t.
Let’s go already, radio.
PS: Because I know you’re wondering, Pavlovian came in dead last in May’s Kentucky Derby. He had 30-1 odds. Today, there’s a better than even chance he’d make a delicious quarter-pounder if anyone is willing to make the call.
PPS: Colbert wrapped up being on CBS on a Thursday night. The very next night, he’s hosting a cable access show in Monroe, Michigan. Absolute, total silliness. I dare you to not laugh at this. It’s a giggle-fest. We need more of that.

Check all the stories at the very top top. They each satisfy #1 above: I’m alone in the house and have to keep it clean for when my girlfriend returns from a trip; I am going on vacation without much money and might stay at a “sex hotel” because it’s cheap; my neighbor borrowed something and won’t give it back; my dog is sick and we have massive vet bills. In each of these, the average listener could relate and you’re bonding with them because of those commonalities.
Your fans are driving to work, listening to you, and having fun. In the quiet, darker moments, what feeling might they be experiencing? We hear much about a loneliness epidemic in society. It impacts us all, whether we wish to openly acknowledge it or not. Loneliness is a public health crisis and no longer a fringe issue. In the quiet spaces of life – the commute, the cubicle, the kitchen at night, we all have pangs of feeling alone in this hyperconnected world. These are the exact moments where personality radio excels.
Is Steve in an ornery mood today? Geez, I don’t think so. I just had coffee with him this morning and he seemed fine. Let’s ask: “Hey Steve, anything bugging you today? And why the hell are you talking in the third person in the blog that you write?”
The wonderfully smart Dom Theodore called me on a Monday many years ago. He was programming then CBS’s new Top 40 AMP in New York City. He wanted me to come to town that Thursday to interview someone they were considering for mornings. Someone who was out-of-the-box. They were wondering if they were crazy considering this person.
Nick made every meeting, even if it meant taking the red eye from Los Angeles. He called to ask questions and for advice. He thought about radio all the time and worked to learn how we do this. Despite the station not succeeding (because of a little thing called Z100), I adored Nick. His greatness wanted coaching.
If you only want to be coached on your terms, you don’t want greatness. You want comfort.
Here are twelve ways a tenured show can slowly get itself into trouble. This won’t happen overnight. A dramatic ratings collapse won’t happen. But inch-by-inch violate enough of these, and you’ll be coasting. Because smart competitors love strategic confusion, you’ll also be quietly building a launchpad for one of them to steal your audience.
However, a disconnect emerged. While Whoopi had a storied career, including her acclaimed role in The Color Purple, much of the radio audience expected to wake up with the comedian they loved in Sister Act. Her vision for the show was more aligned with what she does today on The View. Sitting in the studio most mornings, I saw firsthand the audience wasn’t expecting that direction. Despite the great interviews and funny moments, the show struggled. We learned that in a nine-minute listening occasion, you must be true to your brand. The constant listener calls referencing Sister Act were a reminder that while Whoopi was incredibly talented, that alone wasn’t enough to deliver the expected ratings success.
I have worked with many shows where the personalities are unsure of their roles or their on-air relationships. In successful long-running television shows, the audience knows exactly how each character will react. From I Love Lucy to Seinfeld to Everybody Loves Raymond, character friction drives the content.
Last week, I was sent to the grocery store. My partner is the cook in our relationship, and he directed me to get peeled tomatoes for a recipe. I dutifully drove to the Harris Teeter and found them in aisle five. Ah, success! But then dread and dark clouds hovered over. Did he want the tomatoes with basil? The ones with oregano and garlic? Plain? The ones already chopped or whole? Did he want the Hunts or Contadina brand, or could I buy the less expensive Harris Teeter brand, which was on sale?
I have a disease called Permanent Content Brain. The phrase was coined by podcaster Pablo Torre who admits, as do I, that everything I see I wonder how it can be content on a show. I am reminded of talent who go about their lives and never see the power of this kinda stuff to help them be relatable or use it to create fun stories the audience identifies with. So many say “nothing happened to me yesterday” yet when I dig deep and get inquisitive, so much content appears. They didn’t see it because they weren’t paying attention.
Heated Rivalry does the one thing at its core every show must do to shift people from being listeners to becoming fans: they make us care about the characters. Think of any show or movie that moved you – that connected with you that you still rave about – and note that the screenwriter and story made you care about the people in it. Think of who you hang with in your personal life; those you know and those you care about. You must do the same with your show to create that loyalty with listeners.